Tuesday, 9 September 2008

Decisions, Decisions (and a Tag)

This post contains information relating to a recent personal experience of loss. Please don't read any further if you think it will upset or offend you.

I blogged earlier about being at a sort of crossroads owing to a recent 'crisis', hence the sock knitting extravaganza! Two months ago I went for a routine antenatal scan and was told that the baby had 'stopped developing'. I'd had a miscarriage. Except that I hadn't actually miscarried but was having something called a 'missed miscarriage', something I had never heard of before and still can't get my head around. The baby stops developing but the rest of the pregnancy continues (placenta develops, morning sickness, waist expands!). And so started the worst 4 days of my life while I waited to go into hospital (emergency clinic only runs Mon to Fri). It was a terribly distressing time and I have to admit I'm still struggling with it.

But now it's decision time as we decide whether we should, or want, to try again. I'm no spring chicken (43 later this month) so we're kind of in the 'last chance saloon' and the Doctor told us not to spend too much time thinking about it but to get on with it - so to speak!
(Mr Earplugs is considerably younger than me. I have Miss Muffett from my first marriage and we were lucky enough to have Nipper when I was nearly 41).
And so I find myself at a crossroads. I'm scared stiff at the prospect of something like this happening again but will I live the rest of my life regretting giving in to the fear if we don't try again? It's a toughy and it's having a huge impact on me at the moment, hence my decision to write something here. Today was especially hard as our local toddler group resumed this morning following the summer break and 5 of the ladies there are pregnant. And yes the sock knitting is proving a good distraction - lol!

Anyway, on to cheerier things!

I've been tagged by fellow northern lass Mel Mel to tell you six fairly unimportant things about myself. This has come at quite a handy time as I haven't got much sock knitting done over the past few days so can't post about the finished item just yet!

Well, here goes:

1. I grew up in the North-West but have lived in a variety of places (including one semester at a US university) and now live in the South-East. Down here everyone thinks I have a strong northern accent but whenever I visit home I get accused of 'talking posh'.

2. I have terrible trouble sleeping. This is not good as Nipper often wakes up at the crack of dawn and I've hardly had any sleep. I'm often too cold to sleep but Mr Earplugs is always hot so doesn't want extra bedding. You'd think being a Northerner I'd be immune to the cold but not so. I've taken to wearing thermal pyjamas - soooo not a good look!

3. I'm also a terrible traveller. Much as I like visiting new places I find it quite stressful and it usually takes me a day to recover from the journey. I can't spend more than 15-20 minutes in a car without feeling sick. I'm a bit better than I was as a child, but not much!

4. My first pet was a budgie called Marmaduke. He was my only pet really as my Mum wouldn't let us have anything else as she reckoned she would end up looking after them (which is what is happening now with me, Miss Muffett and the guinea pigs!)

5. I used to be quite hot on the dance floor - I lurrvve 'la salsa'. It's where I met Mr Earplugs. Nothing quite like a good shimmy with your hubby! Sadly we cant go dancing anymore as there's no-one to babysit the kids.

6. I'm the wrong side of 40 and Mr Earplugs has just scraped into his 30's and we're newly-weds! We got married earlier on this year. You're only as old as (the man that) you feel - so they say ;o)

As I'm very new to blogging I think I'll have to wait a while before I tag someone. I know some bloggers aren't keen on being tagged (I was delighted!) and I wouldn't want to annoy anyone whilst still being a newbie! If you happen across me and want to join in then please consider yourself 'tagged'. Let me know as it would be great to learn a few new things about fellow bloggers.

And "thanks" Mel Mel!



  1. Stay strong, I hope you and Mr Earplugs jump back on the baby bandwagon!!

  2. Unless you feel different to when you made your original decision there is only the medical etc. things to consider which I suppose would mean you feel different to your original decision.

    You were given good advice.

    If you think you can handle something like that happening again that is a good start. If you have support and won't come apart at the seams.

  3. Oh Tilly, I'm sorry. You'll be alright but take your time. Some folks don't realize how a miscarriage can hurt.

    (I had a budgie too as a first pet. I loved him more than a person should probably love a bird.)

  4. Thank you so much for leaving a comment on my blog. It's lovely to get a chance to find new blogs!
    What a brave post. You must be in turmoil, and it's going to take time to move forward. Big hugs from me. I'll visit again. Caroline x

  5. We are both from up north and we have another thing in commen.....Olly is younger than me!
    BUT......more mature!!!! hahahahahhahaha!!

    Good luck in my giveaway!xxxx

    P.S....love the 6 things....amusing!!!

  6. I'm so sorry i didn't take in all that post.......what a very upsetting time for you all.....i really hope you will feel ok and strong enough to have another try....big hugsxxxxxx

  7. A big hug from me.

    My only pet as a child was a very talkative budgie called Boris who eventually fell off his perch on to his head and died. I don't sleep well either and never have, unfortunately as well neither do either of my children - Arghhh!!

  8. what a horrid thing to go through :-( you must take a little time at least to make your decision and be strong ((hugs))
    I live in the north west but I bet its nicer weather where you are nowadays!! Thanks for my comment I love to find anew blog :-)
    Lesley x

  9. Thanks for visiting my blog, I would try to get your little boy to help with making his own food it might just work.
    So sorry to hear about your loss it must be a really hard time for you!

  10. Thank you for your recent visit to my blog and for your kind comment. I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I will keep you in my prayers.

    Miss Sandy

  11. I'm so sorry for your loss. What a hard decision to make so soon after, too.

  12. Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. Hope your heart heals soon. Live life to the full, whatever you decide. You'll never look back and say: "I wish I'd eaten less ice cream." Or, in your case: "...knitted less socks."

  13. I'm also not a good traveler. I love to go places and experience things but it always seems to stress me out. And car sickness...let's not even discuss it. Enjoyed your post. :0) ~tina


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