This post contains information relating to a recent personal experience of loss. Please don't read any further if you think it will upset or offend you.
I blogged earlier about being at a sort of crossroads owing to a recent 'crisis', hence the sock knitting extravaganza! Two months ago I went for a routine antenatal scan and was told that the baby had 'stopped developing'. I'd had a miscarriage. Except that I hadn't actually miscarried but was having something called a 'missed miscarriage', something I had never heard of before and still can't get my head around. The baby stops developing but the rest of the pregnancy continues (placenta develops, morning sickness, waist expands!). And so started the worst 4 days of my life while I waited to go into hospital (emergency clinic only runs Mon to Fri). It was a terribly distressing time and I have to admit I'm still struggling with it.
But now it's decision time as we decide whether we should, or want, to try again. I'm no spring chicken (43 later this month) so we're kind of in the 'last chance saloon' and the Doctor told us not to spend too much time thinking about it but to get on with it - so to speak!
(Mr Earplugs is considerably younger than me. I have Miss Muffett from my first marriage and we were lucky enough to have Nipper when I was nearly 41).
And so I find myself at a crossroads. I'm scared stiff at the prospect of something like this happening again but will I live the rest of my life regretting giving in to the fear if we don't try again? It's a toughy and it's having a huge impact on me at the moment, hence my decision to write something here. Today was especially hard as our local toddler group resumed this morning following the summer break and 5 of the ladies there are pregnant. And yes the sock knitting is proving a good distraction - lol!
Anyway, on to cheerier things!
I've been tagged by fellow northern lass Mel Mel to tell you six fairly unimportant things about myself. This has come at quite a handy time as I haven't got much sock knitting done over the past few days so can't post about the finished item just yet!
Well, here goes:
1. I grew up in the North-West but have lived in a variety of places (including one semester at a US university) and now live in the South-East. Down here everyone thinks I have a strong northern accent but whenever I visit home I get accused of 'talking posh'.
2. I have terrible trouble sleeping. This is not good as Nipper often wakes up at the crack of dawn and I've hardly had any sleep. I'm often too cold to sleep but Mr Earplugs is always hot so doesn't want extra bedding. You'd think being a Northerner I'd be immune to the cold but not so. I've taken to wearing thermal pyjamas - soooo not a good look!
3. I'm also a terrible traveller. Much as I like visiting new places I find it quite stressful and it usually takes me a day to recover from the journey. I can't spend more than 15-20 minutes in a car without feeling sick. I'm a bit better than I was as a child, but not much!
4. My first pet was a budgie called Marmaduke. He was my only pet really as my Mum wouldn't let us have anything else as she reckoned she would end up looking after them (which is what is happening now with me, Miss Muffett and the guinea pigs!)
5. I used to be quite hot on the dance floor - I lurrvve 'la salsa'. It's where I met Mr Earplugs. Nothing quite like a good shimmy with your hubby! Sadly we cant go dancing anymore as there's no-one to babysit the kids.
6. I'm the wrong side of 40 and Mr Earplugs has just scraped into his 30's and we're newly-weds! We got married earlier on this year. You're only as old as (the man that) you feel - so they say ;o)
As I'm very new to blogging I think I'll have to wait a while before I tag someone. I know some bloggers aren't keen on being tagged (I was delighted!) and I wouldn't want to annoy anyone whilst still being a newbie! If you happen across me and want to join in then please consider yourself 'tagged'. Let me know as it would be great to learn a few new things about fellow bloggers.
And "thanks" Mel Mel!